I have been fantasizing about taking an “epic” road trip through the Southwest for many years. Now I finally have it planned! I’m leaving October 7 and will drive through Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada and Utah for about 3 weeks. I’ll be back in time to VOTE!

The big question now is whether or not to take Benny with me.

I’ve always been drawn to the idea of the road trip. I love riding in the car and watching the landscape go by. I want to be in motion. I want to be awed by beautiful landscapes. I want to hike and take pictures and write and think and do yoga and visit some hippie places in Sedona. And, I don’t mind the idea of being tethered to this little dog.

Is this just another form of attachment? Or is it inviting “controlled” chaos? I’m not sure. Does it matter?

I spent years thinking or at least telling myself that I didn’t know what “I want.” These past few delightfully unscheduled months of irresponsibility, creative exploration, day dreaming and contemplation have shown me that’s never actually been true. I’ve wanted plenty of things… I just wanted some of them unconsciously. That is to say, I’ve valued certain things and consciously and unconsciously made choices that resulted in me having them: privacy/alone time, independence, meaningful work over profitable work and the ability to choose how to spend my time. Some things I value I’m just lucky work out — like my preference to eat what I want when I want over dieting and exercising. I mean, I’m a vegetarian and I’ve always exercised, but I’ve never had to curb my appetites.

So, I’ve worked hard for causes I care about. I’ve had deep friendships. I’ve had cats instead of dogs…

And now I have Benny—something (someone?) I didn’t choose, but who has enriched my life and added gobs of adorableness to it.

Now is a time of articulating my passions, making them explicit instead of stumbling around and figuring out what I wanted in retrospect. I want Benny with me on this trip! Knowing that feels like an accomplishment in and of itself.

Let’s see what happens next.